I have personally never heard someone state what I'm about to share: most people do not know how to set effective and meaningful goals.
There, I said it!
Why do I know this? Not only was this me but I have observed this behavior in others my whole life! We assume people know how to create worthy goals when technically, none of us are taught how to create goals. Especially not in our school system or the way our awards system works. We are taught from birth that certain behavior and goals leads to certain rewards. This is fine for living a basic life that exists but this will not lead you to a full life.
Examples of the goals we have been pre-conditioned to accept is only to hope for these types of goals: go to college, get married, have 2.5 kids, save for retirement, take 1-2 vacations per year, etc.
The problem with this mode of operating is psychologists know that most people live in quiet desperation because not all of the things in these average, societal goals lead a person to a life of meaning.
Meaning is different than mere existence.
Meaning implies the things that have been scientifically proven to lead to deep contentment and joy: life clarity, "why" for living, purposeful goals and accomplishments, intentional activities...
And guess what, anything less than a life of meaning leads to living your life in temporary gaps of euphoria, not deep contentment and joy. Temporary gaps of euphoria includes the highs from vacations (but dealing with the reality check that comes days later), from promotion (but dealing with the reality check of increased work load and family sacrifice that eventually comes), etc. There is nothing wrong with taking vacations, getting promotions, etc, the key is to make sure these aren't tied to competition or ego.
How Does This Impact Goals?
Unless you have learned to detach your goal setting process from the noise and the pre-conditioned societal attitudes regarding goals, your ego is going to be at the forefront of the goals you set.
How Do You Know If Your Goals Are Ego-Driven?
- You set goals to compete with someone else;
- You set goals to gain the approval of an individual or group;
- You set goals based on a checklist without consideration of key variables operating in your life;
- You set goals without consideration of YOUR time and resources;
- You set goals based on how others will respond (on social media, for example) and not on whether it will fulfill you.
Why do I connect these goal setting processes with your ego? Because the goals processes above are being generated from the outside (implying the root cause of the goal is to seek approval) versus from the inside (implying the root cause of the goal is seeking fulfillment). It's about what is the primary driver for your goals: outside approval or internal fulfillment.
Tips for Setting Ego-less Goals
Tip #1: Create a "Why" connected to your goal by asking yourself "Why is this goal important to me?" This will be a way of challenging yourself and any pre-conditioned thinking. Keep asking yourself this question until you feel like you get an honest response that is free and clear of "the noise" from years of conditioning.
Tip #2: Get clarity around exactly "What" it is you really want...no general responses here such as "I want to be happy". Force yourself to be as specific as possible here. You'll know when you've answered yourself with clarity because when your emotions and mind clearly articulates the " What" of the goal, it will deeply resonate with you.
Tip #3: Create a "How" by asking yourself "How important is this goal and what am I willing to sacrifice to achieve it?" Notice, the "How" is not you figuring out how you are going to accomplish your goal(s) and each step. This "How" is you being mindful of what you are going to sacrifice to get the goal done...I highly recommend this step because most motivational speakers focus only on the fun part of achieving a goal. By you answering the "How" in what will be sacrificed, it has a way of grounding you in knowing what it will take to achieve the goal...and also, if you can't come up with sacrifices you're willing to make, it could be an indication it's an Ego-Driven goal.
You can always email me to let me know if this was helpful to you or if you have any questions: thesupagroup@gmail.com
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